Why Go Out for Thanksgiving: Nine Reasons I Can Think Of -- by Grandpa
1) You people
2) And your children, who are spoiled miscreants.
3) You messed up my tv settings last year by setting up your, what are they called, “wheees?”
4) By gum, when you’re at my house my tv stays tuned to PBS.
5) That “parade” you slack-jawed, overweight mouthbreathers who have never fought for your country watch is actually a spectacle of gross consumerism.
6) One of you is a Republican, which one? I will find you.
7) I don’t want to hear TMI about anyone’s boyfriend.
8) Especially about Sally’s boyfriend who everyone says is "well hung."
9) Or about how your grandmother’s turkey is “dry.” It’s always been dry. She works hard to make it that way and it’s your job to be thankful for it.