Friday, January 15, 2010

Cocktails for The Rest of Us

The Toddler: ½ cup applesauce ½ cup gin. Serve with a splash of bathwater.

Fill a rocks glass with cream, add a bottle of coconut liquor: that’s La Nina. For an El Nino, garnish with a toy dump truck.

The Recurrent Ear Infection: In a hot water bottle muddle a children’s ibuprofen tablet with Welch’s Concord Grape Juice.

A Mommy’s Time Out is some decent quality peach schnapps in the bathroom.

Laundry Day: mix liquors that are white, such as light rum with liquors that are dark such as whiskey. Fold.

The Monster Under The Bed is Daddy after a snifter full of Frangelico.

To decant Preschooler Artwork: use the best absinthe you can get your hands on in the faculty lounge.

That New Baby Smell: sift Johnson’s Baby Powder over the top of a mug of steamed sweetened milk, add a soft toy in case you want to teethe.

The Go To Bed is a sip of tap water in a tin cup and that’s it, don’t ask for more, do you know how late it is?

Add a thin stream of simple syrup to a vast glass of whatever you have on hand for The Visiting Relative.

Muddle field hockey with the rind of a lime, add bitters and you have yourself a Tween.

Because I Said So: beat St. Germain with an egg white until frothy. If you have the energy, add a pickled onion.


  1. Clearly the only civilized way to exist as a parent. I'll take a double of "Laundry Day" please.

  2. Love your Laundry Day! I do have a question, do you struggle with the mildew and wrinkle cycles?

  3. Do you have to be a parent to drink these? I do laundry.

  4. OMG, my daughter's nickname is TWEENY. We still call her that!