Tuesday, February 9, 2010

How To Crack Up A Five-Year-Old

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A vegetable.
(By this time milk will be spewing from their nose.)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
(They won’t even be able to look at you, they’ll be crying.)

FART.
(Have paddles on hand for resuscitation if they just totally die.)

PRETEND TO TRIP OVER SOMETHING INVISIBLE.
(But if they have been simultaneously eating Goldfish and jumping on the couch, watch out for your white carpet.)

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Kids who need to go to bed.
Kids who need to go to bed who?
(They’re falling all over themselves, naked, drunk on the humor of you.)

9 comments:

  1. Haha - this reminded me of our house. The girls love to tell knock-knock jokes, but don't realize that they are supposed to add up to mean anything. "With peanut butter on it" is often used as the who's there... And I recently used the invisible tripping for some young kids, which was spittake resulting...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm cracking up. I love how some words just bring out the belly laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh good grief you are living my life!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I cannot thank you enough for the laughs you give me with your writing. It hits home every time, truly fantastic. Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don't forget burping! Pretty much any bodily noise works. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't you love making them laugh?? I adore it, and I especially love the surprised expression on their face, of "Hey, mom, you are funny! I didn't know moms were funny."

    It's fantastic. Thank you for reminding me...

    ReplyDelete
  7. All it used to take to make my kids laugh was to artfully shove two grapes under my upper lip. This is absolutely HILARIOUS, and milk will spew in all directions. My husband finds this amusing, still...

    ReplyDelete