Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Mom Costumes

At MOM COSTUMES, all our mom costumes are guaranteed to help you seamlessly blend in your environs, should your GPS fail and you find yourself out of your usual mom element, a suburban soccer mom at the downtown farmer's market where there is a drum circle and tribal dancing, for example.

Here are some of our current offerings. Of course, you can mix and match, as will sometimes be necessary, for instance, at a PTA fundraiser for your child's Glee Club.

Urban Hipster Farmer's Market Mom

Clothing: Zippered patterned hoodie, clogs.
Accessories: Canvas tote, several seasonal and realistic plastic fruits and vegetables like kale and/or a baguette, 1 kid (also attired in a hoodie and clogs) in sling carrier, adult black Labrador Retriever, press-on Maori warrior tattoo.
Wig: Light brown pixie cut, with clip-in barrette.
Nails: Short, square cut, no polish.

Rural Organic Farm Mom

Clothing: Momjeans, sweatshirt with unironic Cockapoodle iron-on.
Assessories: Glass milk jugs, rake, three well-behaved teens, used to rising early to milk the cows and participating in 4-H, a flock of chickens, silver stud earrings in the shape of little maple leaves.
Wig: Shoulder length, chestnut.
Nails: Short, dirty.


Clothing: Nubbly fabric skirt suit, with a camisole of a very feminine cut peeking through, heels.
Assessories: Briefcase, drop-earrings of semi-precious stone, Pump-In Style Breast Pump, leather organizer and, to aid in breast pumping, a photo of a cute infant in a silver frame.
Wig: Choose “Blonde French Twist” or “Professional Pixie,” if the workplace is in the arts or higher education or publishing.
Nails: Beige, medium-length, oval.

Potter Mom

Clothing: Overalls, paint-splattered rock concert t-shirt, bare feet.
Accessories: Two rambunctious kids under five who have been encouraged to paint to get their "sillies" out, an old calico cat, a wheel for throwing clay pots, earrings made of sherds of Spanish tile.
Wig: Dark and Godiva-long, with a pronounced natural wave.
Nails: Ragged, with reminders of limestone clay.

Social Worker Mom

Clothing: Wide-wale corduroy sack dress in plum, long-sleeved t-shirt, sandals.
Accessories: Long, swingy necklace of Native American totemic animals, potted ficus, white-noise machine and an NPR tote bag filled with women’s non-fiction, pictures in DIY frames of grown children and smiling grandchildren.
Wig: Short, stylish, spiky, gray.
Nails: Oval, clean, with very neat cuticles.

Country Club Mom

Clothing: Cashmere cardigan, jeans with a tasteful embroidery on the ass pockets.
Assessories: “Pearl” and/or “diamond” studs, leather handbag, 1.5 kids for placement in the rear seats of an SUV, Chesapeake Bay retriever puppy
Wig: Blonde chignon.
Nails: Nude.


  1. I think yoga mom needs to be included. And also home-birthing pregnant mom. These could easily be mistaken for each other, but there are subtle differences between the two. Home-birthing pregnant mom is very suspicious of paying someone to teach her yoga when she could just as easily do it herself at home. But they both wear black stretchy pants a lot.

  2. I love this! We may be kindred spirits! You are a great writer! visit me at

  3. By the way, Writer Mom: still in Pj's, carrying tote bag full of library books. Accompanied by bored child saying, "Mom, why do you keep checking out MORE BOOKS? We have a million of them at home!" nails, short for typing. Shoes, whatever she found at the foot of the bed from night before. Accessories, huh? Perhaps a pencil behind the ear.

  4. Lovin' this all! Found you through FnS...and I adore all your posts, thus far.

    I'm sold. Where do I sign up?

  5. Very funny. Around here, we have WorkOut Mom and Scrapbooker/Waiting for Jesus Mom. (Neither of which I can pull off.)


  6. Today I'm Cast-Dinner-For-the-Teens Mom: flour in my wild hair, brownie batter streaked down my shirt, still in my slippers, trying to find my earplugs before they get here.