Monday, March 29, 2010

The Risen Lord and The Easter Bunny: An Imagined Dialogue

The Risen Lord (rising from an attitude of contemplation): Easter Bunny, it seems that more and more people prefer you to me. Why is that?

The Easter Bunny: I am made of chocolate, Lord.

The Risen Lord: Ahh. Yes. But to those who believeth in me I offer eternal life!

The Easter Bunny (with submissive aspect): Amen, Lord. But, still you are not made of chocolate. And, with all due respect, Lord you’re not exactly…

The Risen Lord (beatifically): Go on, Bunny. I am a good listener.

The Easter Bunny
, Well, Lord, I’ll be honest.

The Risen Lord
: It is a commandment, sort of.

The Easter Bunny
: You’re kind of…severe. At least Biblically.

The Risen Lord: I’m not a fun kind of guy? Is that what you’re saying?

The Easter Bunny: Not really, Lord.

The Risen Lord: You’re saying if I was funner, more people might like me? Believeth in my father’s mansion? Fit through the eye of the needle, and all that? Because that would be awesome.

The Easter Bunny: It’s not my place to give the Lord advice, is it.

The Risen Lord: No Bunny. But you have your little fur paw on the pulse of the people who shop at Target, they are my people, but they are buying dozens and dozens of marshmallow Peeps.

The Easter Bunny: Sugar is a drug, Lord.

The Risen Lord: Now that people have easy access to sugar, they no longer need religion? This is what you’re saying, isn’t it? I feared it: I must make myself sweeter.

The Easter Bunny: That would be a start. Maybe also no more condemning to death of idolatrous women?

The Risen Lord
: Maybe.

The Easter Bunny
: You know Lord, I have an idea.

The Risen Lord
: What’s that?

The Easter Rabbit
: You could hop.

The Risen Lord: “Hop?” How does one “hop?” I have never done it. In the Bible, there is no “And then, to Galillee, Jesus hopt.”

The Easter Rabbit: The Bible’s loss, Lord.

The Risen Lord: I do feel mighty good that I have second life, though. Might this joy be expressed by a “hop” ?

The Easter Rabbit: It would be meet and right to also add a skip and a jump, Lord.

The Risen Lord: Well, if it is meet and right.

The Easter Rabbit: Shall I start us off, on the good foot, Lord?

The Risen Lord: Do. You go along and I’ll follow after. I think I might improvise and cause some trees to burst into bloom and fruit chocolate ganache truffles.

The Easter Rabbit: How masterfully thou causeth the trees to bring forth candy.

The Risen Lord: This is how I should have been using my talents all along! Hopping and confecting! Arise, marshmallow fluff! Thunder down like justice, jellybeans. Awake pecan and caramel turtles, awake! In that basket do you have a Peep? I've always wanted to try one. May I have one of your Peeps? There was nothing but carob bean back in the Bible. Blech. I can probably make the best, most heavenly Peep you ever had, given that I am what I am and that is the Sweet Lord.



  1. I am your biggest fan. Of course, I have known about you and your writing for about two weeks, but nevertheless and hyperbole notwithstanding, I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN. When your book comes out, I will be wanting an autographed copy made out to me personally with a clever tag line like "Molly, my biggest fan; I so appreciate your support..."

  2. A most excellent, and long overdue, dialogue. I've been waiting for those two to chat. You might consider Baby Jesus sitting on Santa's lap sometime ;)

    And I am pretty sure Peeps are what got Adam and Eve booted from Eden. Or brought about a plague...

  3. Lost momentum in the middle as it turned from farce to polemic. Stay w/ the soul of the piece: the humor.