Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Fundraising Pimp's Guide to Successful Fundraising

"Solicitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

At events, make yourself obviously available by the silent auction.

When engaging potential donor, refer to the non-profit suggestively as “the organization.”

Keep a record of touching. There’s an app for that.

Use undercover research to judge a donor’s assets.

In the event of big, big assets, you’re allowed one touch, two touch, three touch.

Then it’s threesome with the president.

Before getting down to business, you’ll be expected to talk about how very long and substantial the organization’s long-range plan is.

Trust your instincts. You’ll know when it’s the right time to turn off the lights and PowerPoint your ass off.

Almost everyone is uneasy asking for money, but honey, the more you do it, the easier it gets.


  1. hoo-hooooo....better hope Demi doesn't get wind of this post on twitter...she'll be all over your a**.

  2. Never having raised funds for anything, and hoping to never HAVE to, I thankfully can ignore these instructions, which by the way,sound very productive. I bow to your humanitarian instincts.