Scottish brogue: Ach, lads! You call that football?
Washed up Brazilian superstar: (demonstrates the fancy footwork, the "samba soccer" of his nation, while the camera cuts to a photo montage of topless girls in Rio.)
American: The US team looks great this year, what a surprise and more Americans than ever tuned in to watch us tie England!
Englishman in three piece gray flannel: Blimey! It's not a tie, mate, it's a draw. The field's the pitch, the goalie is the keeper, the game is footie, and what we're watching is a match.
Scottish brogue: Lads, was Germany not touched? Ach! They were a tanker were they not? Poor wee Australia.
American (to the Englishman and Brazilian): What did he say?
Englishman: Australia was absolutely buggered.
American: Hunh? Are we talking about soccer?
Brazilian (waving to some completely naked fans): It's futebol. Say it.
Scottish brogue: Well done, Yank. That din' hurt much did it? Ach, nay. You're one of us now.
Extremely well-groomed Italian: Welcome to the global familia.
American (uncomfortable): Uh.
Italian: Kiss the ring.
American: My Nike track suit contract prevents me from doing that, this is an every four year thing for me, I usually commentate on basketball...
Scottish brogue, Italian, Brazilian, Englishman (disdainful, and eyeing the American suspiciously): For us it's a life thing.
American: Well, yes! That's what I meant.
American: Um. Uh. let's talk about something else uhh, how 'bout them Dutch!?!
(Continued uncomfortable silence)
American: How 'bout them vuvuzelas?!? Right? Really annoying, guys, don't you think? Ha! They sound like a nest of bees. Don't you think, guys? Guys?