Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The Thwarted Romance Writer's Guide To The Best Haircuts for Your Face Shape

Round: A bowl-cut will frame your round face. If you do not like your bowl-cut, the bowl will additionally serve as a device to catch the many tears you will shed over your haircut and onto your creamy heaving porcelain bosom.

Diamond: You must be the only person in the world with a diamond face. I'm sorry I can't help you. I couldn't help Valentina, either, when she and Jerome had that misunderstanding that led to her being in the dark woods, in a red satin cloak that did nothing to hide her generous curves.

Ovoid: Better than a getting a haircut, you should lounge upon a divan, your loose raven tresses cascading over the brocade until it is time to pick up the kids from school.

Square: I am this, apparently, or at least my manuscript was, according to my agent. But I implore you, is the title, "Conquest and Triumph" so done?


  1. Witty, you are.

    I can't seem to find the right haircut. My hair is changing, along with my face. Right now it's swept up into a clasp most of the time.

    But I am thinking about something that could, just possibly, make me ravishing . . .

  2. This was AWESOME. My porcelain bosom shook as laughter spilled from my crimson lips.


  3. Yes, there is nothing more appealing than a heaving, splendid bosom. xo