Christmas is full o' nasty.
Egg nog. Just the words. Soooo nasty.
Ditto Yule Log. Is that an elf sex position?
Also, someone is coming down your chimney. Is it me, or is that just gross?
It's an overweight German elf.
He comes from The North Pole. That's a distance.
He knows when you've been baaad.
He can throw his sack over his shoulder.
He stuffs your stocking. Are you getting this?
If what he's giving you is too big to stuff into in your stocking, he puts it out under your tree. This is not a euphemism.
He whips reindeer.