Friday, January 28, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

Pillow Talk

You've been married awhile when stay-up-late, work-be-damned, tell-me-again-about-band-camp pillow talk turns into talk about pillows. You lie among the assortment and chat about their heft, softness, thread count, down count. Yes or no to memory foam.

Improvements could be made. There are now pillows made specifically for side sleepers. A satin-covered full-size body pillow could be invited in, to share in a very vanilla threesome. Small round pillows are available. But no.

Endurance. Making do. Loving what is. Old shoe. The marriage itself is that flat old pillow that must be folded several times, orgami-like, to lift the nape just perfectly so from the mattress. It stays.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

On Finding My Nana’s Diary From 1927, When She Was Twelve, and Comparing It To My Diary from 1985, When I Was Twelve

Nana’s Diary: Served tea with mother after church. How I admire how graceful she is! I want to be just like her.


My Diary: SUPER annoying. Like I have to go to church? I, like, fucking don’t.


Nana’s Diary: Continued work on embroidering the scarf for our neighbor, who has pneumonia. So wish she’d get well! I made a cherry pie with leftover pastry scraps.


Nana’s Diary: Dear Diary, I promised you complete honesty, and I gave you my word, and father says that is the most important thing: one's word. I made that sound like I made the cherry pie all by myself. Mother showed me and Sissy how to roll out the dough; I did do the filling on my own but I won’t let that go to my head!

Nana’s Diary: Sissy has such grace! If only I could be half as pretty when I grow up. She’ll be a darling bride! I am embroidering linens for her. I hope it brings her lots of happiness. I want to bring people lots of happiness!

My Diary: Does anyone care what makes me happy? Did Mom drive me to school? Nooo. But she drove Lucy to school. What the FUCK???


Nana’s Diary: Papa says there is going to be another war. I feel absolutely ill and am praying for peace. Knitting scarves so I feel I am doing something.


Nana's Diary:
What's important, I think, is to participate in the lives of others, to have compassion, to be a helpmate, don't you think so too, Diary?


My Diary: Here's a list of things I want: I want the new Cure album, a Benetton sweatshirt, in teal, my mom to FUCKING get over herself with the constant SUPER ANNOYINGNESS!!!!!

My Diary: Cont. Not to have to go to piano lessons again, ever. Assaf Gordon in my homeroom hahahahaha! PSYCH! Diary! You know me so well! The only person I really love is all of the girls in Bananarama.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Freshwater Men of the Mid-Atlantic: A Guide

Yellow Bullhead

Up to eighteen inches!

Chain Pickerel

Also known as Jack, it is by far the easiest of the pikes.

Hickory Shad

Often smoked but more frequently pickled.

White Sucker

A common bottom-forager, frequently found in bars.

Freshwater Drum

Like a contented husband, makes a grunting sound when near the surface on calm days

Monday, January 10, 2011

Tweeting From The Birdfeeder

Blue jay! Everyone scatter!

Fletch, the neighbor's lumbering fat Labrador! Quick, everyone scatter!

Nevermind. Friggin' titmice. They're easily confused with the Labrador if you have a resting heartbeat of 200 like I do.

Scatter!

Why?

Because in the birdfeeder is a seed I haven't seen before. It's an unknown seed. Unfamiliar to me. It's freaking me out.

Scatter, everyone! Squirrel!

Okay, okay. It's not a squirrel.

Regroup. Breathe.

Bring your heart rates back down to 200 by thinking about the seeds that are familiar.

It was just the friggin' titmice.

But you never know.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Meteorology For Toddlers

Weather is all around us.

The weather can be hot. When the weather is hot, the right choice is to run around fast wearing nothing. This cools a body off and simultaneously heats a body up and that's called science.

It can be warm. In this case, maybe just underpants and a tantrum.

Some days the weather is clear. There are no clouds. On these days, it is good to dig in the dirt with a spoon, as it is good to dig in the dirt with a spoon after a rainstorm in the season called spring. See also: mud season A whole season devoted to mud!

Wind is moving air. Wind brings us the weather.

A fart is also air. It brings us hilarity. But not to the big thunderheads known as parents who experience the weather differently due to their great height. Mostly what they experience are high pressure systems day after day.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Romance As A Series of Yoga Poses

Upward-facing dog.

Triangle Pose.

Confusing.

Pose of I'm Not Dating Anyone, Anymore. It's Just Too Difficult.

Oh, But Look!

Tying The Slip-Knot.

Untying.

Dog.

Snake.

Cow.

Taking A Few Months Off For Self-Exploration at Kripalu.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Le Fond or, A Riff on The New Year

The caramelized food bits left at the bottom of the pan.

The culinary food term, French for "base" or "foundation."

But you would not say "my fond hurts," even if you were French.

Or, "you're being a real pain in my fond."

Is it an expression of endearment? Yes. Ex: M. Arbuthnot was very fond of dogs.

He once was not fond of dogs because he'd been bitten by a terrier as a child, but now he is. He owns terriers. It's the kind of a transformation that happens sometimes in the best fiction, but rarely in real life.

It's a pan sauce made with the dried up caramelized dark bits of the past. Yet it is the beginning of something new.

And so what are you cooking?