Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Bum Ice

My vertebral column is not what it once was as you, dear reader, know well. I have DDD (degenerative disk disease), a herniated disk in my neck, and (but wait...there's more!!!) an ill-healed coccyx and sacral cysts.

It's the subject of sacral cysts I turn to today. They are literally a pain in the ass and therefore, since I want to have a life despite the pain, and live with a shred of dignity, I have become a bum icer.

Like other (the few, the proud) bum icers I use what I can: frozen peas, fancy ice packs from the chiropractor, frozen shredded coconut, you know, whatever. I'm omnivorous.

Wouldn't you know, I chose frozen shredded coconut as my bum ice of choice for my son's recent school picnic. The cool rectangle was perfect: so thin, so unobtrusive 'neath my mom jeans, it was almost like I was wearing nothing, no assistive devices whatsoever.

But lo, I was soon sitting in a pool of sweet, delicious, coconut milk, with a lot of explaining to do. Bum ice.

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