Monday, February 28, 2011

My Oscar Fashion

Dress: Drawstring-waist sweatpants, in periwinkle, with a zipped hoodie in what some might fashionably call fawn and others might more realistically call beige.

Handbag: Brown paper bag, by Trader Joe's, full of cheese doodles.

Hair: Semi-up do (concept by the actress herself)

Accessories: I once memorably used a paper clip to secure my semi-up do when there were no bobby pins; the kids had put them all one by one down the drain, because, quote "it might be interesting."

Makeup: Lip balm by Chapstick, in "original."

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Kids' Homemade Valentine Cards

Front: (blank)
Inside: Dear Momy.

Front: (glitter glue abstract art of a goat. It could be.)
Inside: I lve u. From: Me!

Front: (crayoned heart side by side with a crayoned cat)
Inside: (blank)

Front: Surprize Vlntne!
Inside: (a gargantuan heap of glitter)

Front: Lve u Mama do u like?
Inside: (half eaten Tootsieroll pop)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

If Mafiosos Were Plant Biologists

Stomata you?

Godfather, forgive me. Lately because of, you know, a little this, a little that I feel deciduous.

You worry too much. Don't worry so much, Johnny. You're gonna make Order of Coiniferales.

You mean the order of mostly evergreen trees and shrubs having usually needle-shaped or scalelike leaves and including forms (as pines) with true cones and others (as yews) with an arillate fruit? I'm honored, Godfather.

Don't be such a pistil, Johnny. Just kiss the ring.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Love Two Weeks

Suffer yourself to learn many words for one thing. - Srikanth Reddy


For fourteen days in February I get in to love, head-over-assedly, decadently, as into an expensive sports car I've had the audacity to rent. After that I forget again for 50 weeks.

What was that speed and precision-tuning like? That supple interior? That Italian stitching? What mad pursuit? I don't drive like that all year so why try? To keep gunning the engine? Why? After Valentine's nothing for a sweet nothing is what I've got in my pocket. I'm happy to see you, sure, but I won't be caught with a heart-shaped card.

This year, it's going to be different; I am determined to keep the driving gloves on. I plan to keep them on past the 15th, when all the hearts go stale. I might make it even into spring, being loving.