My children, like all children, like to color. I can do this, too, I thought. I can color, too. But that's exactly not the right way to color. The kids don't start out all, "I'll draw a cat." It's more like a cat just happens to them. It's all about that damn beginners' mind thing.
It reminded me of the tongue in cheek book Coloring for Grownups. The page I'm talking about has a swirl on it. "Fill the void," it says. Sweet baby beets, I know that feeling.
The blank paper was just starting up at me, like a nursing child. You know how they have those vast, whale-eyes that seem to contain the deep vernal pools of wisdom of the ages? So did this newsprint. It was like, "I know you, Elizabeth. I know you...and you have nothing to draw, not even a cat."
"Goddamnit, Void, I will fill you," I said to it. And I took up the stub of a crayon and drew a square. And then another square, with lines connecting it to the first square so as to make a cube, and then I drew myself in it.