Monday, June 30, 2014

Haiku For My Dog






no matter how hard
you pull on the leash, frantic,
that squirrel is laughing

kibble is what's for
breakfast, it's again for lunch
am I boring you?

delectable scent
though the neighbor's butt sure is
please stop sniffing it

Chew on the chewie
good girl! Chew on the laundry,
bad! It's confusing.

guarding the MilkBone
like a dragon does its gold
Sugar shows her teeth

get the ball, go on,
fetch! The part that's the hardest
is bringing it back.









Monday, June 2, 2014

Congratulations, Graduates! Academic Awards for English Majors.






MFA Bound is awarded for the best piece of work by an undergraduate in poetry using letterpress techniques and a goose plume.

So You Want To Go On To Get Your PhD in American Literature, Fool? was established in 1995 because someone actually did. 

Established by friends and former students of Professor Goodwill Pearson to "amplify the conversation about civilization vs. savage in Herman Melville's Moby-Dick" is The Civilization vs. Savage in Moby-Dick Award, awarded to a student from Connecticut.

The Comfort Your Mother You'll Get A Job In Advertising is awarded for a single outstanding paper or other project by a savvy Junior carried out tastelessly in tandem with the faculty of the School of Business.

The Smarkus-Shefflington Award is given to a Sophomore  of great nerdliness by Helena Smarkus-Shefflington Cooper ('99) in memory of her mother, Enid ( '45), who was a total nerd.

The Dead White Men is a small teak-wood box containing some of the the ashes of Rudyard Kipling.

The Most Favored Nation Prize is awarded for a translation from American English into English English without using the words "fanny"  or "crumpet" or "Oscar Wilde" and from English English into American English without using the words "cowboy" or "drone."

A Room Of One's Own is awarded to a Senior temping in a large temp firm in Boston for the summer as she figures out what to do next by lavishly filling a Moleskin journal with contemporary, first person, confessional poems of regret and reflection.