Walking the cross-country trail last weekend with you in an attempt to "bond" "outdoors" I learned that you don't understand some basics of cold weather science.
For example that water, when it's solid (we call this -- ICE) is lighter than water when it's a liquid (WATER). Ice floats above water like a raft. A very thin flimsy raft. I can't stress this enough. The flimsiness. The does-not-support-your-weight-ness.
And if you step on it believing that in Baltimore County ice could EVER be frozen solid to a depth of some feet like a Canadian Circle ice fishing lake like in some adventure book for soft modern city boys about self-sufficent fur-trapping 18th Native American boys, you'd be oh so wrong.
I would have had to jump in after you with a thermos of brandy belted to my person like a St. Bernard.
Remember, STEM rules.