Thursday, September 10, 2015

Negligent, Lazy, Disorganized, Late

There is a new to me personality test called the Five Factor Model that measures five factors of our weird little complex and fascinating selves: extroversion, contentiousness, openness, agreeableness and neuroticism, which is a trait-tendencency I know like an old shoe. Check neuroticism off.

Hannah and Her Sisters is one of my favorite movies. It reminds me of the wonderful wool-and-caretaking camphor smell of the under-the-dining-room-table carpet where I used to curl up and listen at my grandparents' while they had their friends over. Elva Wurmb! Bunny Furlow! The Elligators! Were all their friends animals?

As I get older and give less of a shit, I've become more extroverted. Not by much. A little. Like a snail waving its tentacles. Under a table.

The conscientiousness dimension really threw me. According to it I am flake and a jerk. Lazy, disorganized, negligent, and late. Is there no more positive way to spin these? Can my lack of conscientiousness be made up for by my being really open to experience?

Can I stuff the deep hole -- a Mariana's Trench, if you will -- of my tendency to disorganization, to chaos, to disorder, to entropy with lots and lots of temperamental, reserved, soft-hearted curiousness and light it with the lamp of worried, original, good-natured creativity?

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