I realized Shock! Awe! Opportunity! there are no songs about Seasonal Affective Disorder.
And that huge oversight and lack gives me something to do. Got lemons? Or, in this case, got lengthening shadows, and ghosts of the ancestors? Make lemonade.
Instead of wringing my hands, and weeping in front of my light box, moaning, and invoking the Aten, the Egyptian Solar Disk (above): "Sun, where art thou? Why has thou forsaken me and the entire Northern Hemisphere?"
I will not weep, nor moan, but mess around with the titles of well-known Christmas carols to be about Seasonal Affective Disorder. Snarktastic. Snarkgasm.
[Too soon? Please, you dear, you unjaded, seasonally unaffected lamb, there are already Christmas trees at Home Depot. "Shop All Artificial Trees."]
Here you go.
I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In
And there better be the lightbox upgrade I ordered from Amazon in one of them.
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
No actually, not. Libido plummets.
The Boar's Head Carol
I could not give less of a shit, trust me, about anything in Latin.
Does it matter what I'm wearing? I'm not going out. I'm a cave-dwelling badger until April when I reappear in these sweatpants.
Bring A Torch Janette Isabella
But make it a lightbox. The one I ordered.
The Carol of The Bells
This "song" is based on a folk chant known in Ukrainian as "Shchedryk." I bring it up at holiday parties. Where I am wearing sweatpants. Are you glad you pestered me into going out.
Ding Dong Merrily on High
For whom is this true?
In The Bleak Midwinter
Christina Rossetti, lady poet, you were probably a fellow SAD-er, so go on and preach.
[Rossetti wrote In The Bleak Midwinter in 1872 "in response to a request from the magazine Scribner's Monthly for a Christmas poem."]