To Autumn.Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!Close bosom-friend (considering a breast lift) of the maturing sun;Conspiring with him how to load and blessJo-Ann Fabrics with no-sew Halloween costumes that are E-ZTo swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells(What are you menu-planning For Thanksgiving?)With a sweet kernel (zesty corn bread, maybe?)To set budding more,And still more, coupons for 5% off at the Target pharmacy --Where you get your prescription(s) filled.Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy storeOf New England college guides? With the Yale pages dog-eared.Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may findThee sitting careless on a granary floor (or the kitchen floor)with a splitting migraine.Reading The Atlantic with patient look,Thou watches the last oozing hours by hours#Willthissoccergameeverend?Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where is lacrosse?But really, how many of these kids will play professional sportsAs a career?Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, --You are still what the 19th century would call a handsome womanThough you have nasolabial folds, there is Botox for thatAnd the deep-set wrinkles on your forehead between your eyes.Full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bournOr is that you yelling: The kids' can pack their own damn Backpacks!
Hedge-crickets sing -- reminding youYou should call the exterminator, and while you're at it,The gutters need their pre-winter cleaning too.The redbreast whistles from a garden-croftAnd gathering swallows twitter in the skiesAnd you Tweet the Apple Blossom recipe memeWith the hashtag #Middleage #Carbovore.