Friday, November 20, 2015


Mantlescaping is tablescaping for your mantle. Like manscaping,  it is a word I NEVER considered until Husb. said we should quote "do something festive," "how about feathers?"

I said, "Be specific, honey." "Lots of your interior decorating ideas I get confused with foreplay. Remember when when you said you wanted to 'muck out the French drain'?  That was so confusing for us both."

But no, he really wanted to adorn the mantle in a way that incited festiveness. So I put a bird on it.  The bird was not enough.

Husb. had a vision of Gilded Age opulence. Pots stuffed with ferns. Cascading pheasant feathers. The lily gilded.  I wanted to give him what he wanted -- what happy wife does not want to scape the mantle for her dear husband? -- but how, gentle reader, how? 

I found all the gewgaws in my possession, all the showy trifles -- the garlands of "pearl" and garnet-colored plastic beads, the gold plastic platters,  all the junk in the trunk, and I mantlescaped so hard with my lady lumps (brooches, mostly) that Pinterest weeps bloody jealous tears.

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