Thursday, March 24, 2016

Space Buns

Space buns, mini buns, or puff ball pig tails, call them what you will, I labored to make them for my daughter, 8, who embraces The Feminine Mystique exemplified by this photo, above, of space buns. She draws eyelashes on her drawings of cats. "So everyone knows they're girl cats."

"I know they're girl cats" I said, "whether they have eyelashes or not."

"Yes, but how? You can't see their vaginas."

Eyelashes being the commercial popular stand-in for vaginas, of course. I saw a woman recently, probably a mother, who had so many expertly applied eyelashes made of plush lynx fur or whatever animal I was like, Holy vagina on your face!

Instead I said, "Wow, you look so awake."

"Mommy," my daughter asked me, "Why Don't You Look More Like Adele?" which is something I've asked myself. Why don't I look more like Adele? Because I am not Adele.

I said, "Shit. Are we really having The Conversation? The one girls have with their mothers? That one? Not about sex." Swear words are just are just words; used in the wrong context is what makes them inflammatory. I'm pretty sure this was the right context.

"Mommy is Mommy," I said, and I'm sure its horribly embarassing for everyone involved, especially for my daughter. She sees Other Mothers all the time looking like Adele and with space buns. A lot of mothers are really unimpeachable in their look, which is Straight. Out. Of Central Casting. I distrust a culture that (where?) Spanx earns multi of millions of dollars. "And you are you, and at this moment in time you like eyelashes a whole lot and draw them on cats because -- pressure, conformity, tradition, and shit.We're born naked, and the rest is drag. RuPaul said that."

 She said, "What?" I templed my fingers.  Heehee! Oh! The fun we are going to have!

I told her: "Mommy's drag is wannabe European gamine, Smith College grrrl, had a huge crush in the '90s on Pixies bassist Kim Deal, or as she called herself deliciously at the time, Mrs. John Murphy."

Rumpled. Boho. Cardigan-central. Comfort shoes. It's a choice, I realize. But have you seen me walk in heels? It makes Isaac Mizrahi cry. I poked myself in the eyeball last time I attempted to wear eyeliner, in a color labeled Coal Commander which is the artist formerly known as Gray.

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