Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Marine Worm, or A Woman My Ex-Boyfriend Cheated On Me With?

SO EAGER TO PLEASE THEY CAN EVEN BE TRAINED! (False advertising! Maybe your sea monkeys could. Mine never could be trained because: Duh. They're brine shrimp. They scooted around their plastic-castle-in-a-bowl and then they died.)

As I was going through my field guide to the North Atlantic seashore as one does when, of a night, one does not sleep due to perimenopausal night sweats (women over 40, you know what I'm talking about) and reading about marine worms -- I was struck by how similar their common names were to the girlfriends of my crummy ex-boyfriend.

But don't take my word for it. See if you can tell the difference:

Rosy Magelonas
Rosie I-don't-know-her-last-name
Rosa (who spoke Portuguese)
Nina (she was adorable)
Naphtalia (she was from Israel)
Dumeril's Clam Worm
Donna (Srsly? Who sleeps with someone named Donna? And on my futon at Smith?)
Red-gilled Marphysa
'Lex, short for Alex, short for Alexandra, short for are you kidding me? Her, too? 
Opal Worm
Faye (who was a marine worm of the heart for a lot of people)

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